Rewards and Challenges

I've now officially made it through four months of homeschooling both of my boys.  As we near the holiday season, and some much needed time off, I've been reflecting on what I've learned from the whole experience.  I want to make sure we're doing the best we can for both of our boys, and I want to make sure I'm doing a good job of teaching them.  Mostly, I wonder if this is something I can continue to do. 

Homeschooling is one of the most challenging things I've ever done.  I've said it before, and I'm sure I'll say it again.  It's not even the teaching - I do have a bachelors in education, so that's not a problem for me.  The challenge comes from the range of emotions I feel when teaching the boys, and from having to separate myself as a mom and as a teacher.  Teaching my own children is way more difficult than teaching other people's children ever was.  I have to admit, I kind of thought it would be the opposite.  I had certain ideas of how homeschooling the boys would go.  I definitely didn't think it would be as challenging as it has been.  However, with my emotions so tied into my kids, it's made it all the more difficult.

For me the biggest issue is the challenge of meeting all their special needs.  Connor needs continual support with writing, and the OT services he receives help, but are never enough.  Mason will absolutely not do something if he doesn't want to.  I'm never sure where he is in his learning exactly, because he always acts like he can't do things.  Sometimes he's genuinely struggling with an assignment, and sometimes he just plain doesn't want to do it.  It's a constant battle of wills which leaves me drained and angry, more than I care to admit.  Since both boys have trouble focusing, I can't get them started on an assignment and leave them to finish.  I have to be there every step of the way, sometimes battling with them to get a simple assignment done.  Other days they're happy and cooperative and things go smoothly.  I never know what the day is going to be like until we start!

This may sound horrible to you, and you may wonder, "Well, why on earth are you still homeschooling, then?"  I admit I wonder that myself...several times a day, especially on hard days.  With all the challenges going on, things can feel pretty crazy.  But, then, there are the rewards that come from working so hard with the boys.  When Connor is able to read a page from a book, and is so proud of himself.  When Mason makes up a poem about polar bears, and it's really pretty catchy.  When we're conducting a science experiment and the boys are actually excited about learning.  I always know exactly what they're learning, and how.  I know exactly where we need to work harder, and I can arrange lessons to help them accomplish their goals.  The best thing of all is when they sincerely tell someone that they have the best teacher, and they really like their school.  Then I know that, despite feeling crazy half the time, there really is something to this homeschooling thing.  I see their progress and I know I'm getting through to them. 

I guess I could sum it up by saying I've learned I was silly to think it wouldn't be all that challenging to homeschool.  I've learned that it is challenging and frustrating.  Yet I've also learned that sometimes you have to work the hardest for the best rewards.  As I teacher, I know my kids are learning.  As a mom, I know my kids are happy.  And that's worth all the challenges we face daily.  I really mean that.  I also really mean it when I say I absolutely cannot wait for vacation time!




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